Tuesday, October 30, 2012

business and agriculture, as usual

At first, I was like, Go Vikes, and we (by we, I mean I) were going to chest bump and do this awesome end zone dance. But then I thought, does that constitute assault  Hold yer horns Sven.  Something's a little off about his color.  That's not Vikings purple -- this article has more blue in it. He is def a winter, am I right? 
Furthermore, he's from Paris and is at the U studying business and agriculture.  And if you can tear your eyeballs away from the Usain Bolt of blue/purple, I want you to roll them southward and notice the purple bumper on his trainers. That's commitment, my friends. 110%.

Monday, October 29, 2012

still kicking

I smell blackmail here.  Her friend just "gave" her this vintage coat with a genus and species?  Wha wot?  One tiny particle of a reason I parked illegally to get this photo was that it supports my Vote NO on Uggs initiative.  Across the aisle, we find her stealth Minnetonka kicks -- local, laced and they don't look like molding tubers.  Man this is grade A savage.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

coolest people to ever come out of a fancy cheese shop

Voted Least Embarrassing Parents in a recent poll by a coalition of Justin Bieber/Taylor Swift fans, these two have caused an unprecedented flurry of activity down at MPR where the marketing department is totes rethinking the whole boxed set of James Taylor/Simon and Garfunkel/patchouli air freshener thing. Now they're envisioning Jackson Browne and one of those little knives for spreading soft cheeses with a roach clip handle.  Oh enough.
Count me among the slavering sycophants cuz I LUV THESE TWO.  In a completely shallow harmless wardrobe way.  But seriously, who could exude just the right mix of adorable, cool and badass?  Two per of Frye harness boots, that's who.  Styled as you like it -- jeans over,  jeans in, busted up or brand new 'n shiny 'n ready to kick some A and take some names.  With a political twist.  See (NO you can't see, oh the frustration), she's stomping for the NO vote on the marriage amendment.  That's what her button says.  She's stomping in her tuf boots,  stomping for government to please get their hands out of their intern's pants, stomping for... what?  Not stomping?  It's stumping?  That's insane because she doesn't look stumping at all in those awesome Frye Harness boots.
This mess has been brought to you by Psychologically Fragile Bloggers Who Are a Bit Fryed.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

bridesmaid revisited

I just like the way she took this long floaty dress off its pedestal and was like, Mmmhmm baby, you and me and my mustard-colored friends from the block are going to Trader Joe's, and then we're going to clean out the litter box and if you're not careful, we might take a spin class, so get over it. Ok fine, here are some necklaces. Happy?
I give you this digitally reproduced transcript of the conversation to illustrate The Best Repurposing of a Bridesmaid Dress Ever.  She works at a bridal shop and therefore has a lot of experience with uppity dresses that imagine they're going to be retired and entitled to space in the closet after one vinous Macarena-rich night.
P.S. I have just created the most effective ad for Rice Drink in the history of propaganda. That was completely on purpose.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

off-duty CindyLou shops

Even now that I know better,  I refuse to believe she is not an off-duty model stocking up on bok choy and broccoli rabe for dessert.  Let's go over the telltale signs. 1. Body is tailor-made to make others imagine they too would look fierce in a  9' x 1' tube of silk knit.  2.  Black as a lifestyle.  3. Ability to carry off a leather jacket, knotted big shirt, leggings and boots and look terminally cool rather than forgetful.  4. Topknot that doubles as an observatory and says,  I'm heading into hair and makeup where Raoul will make the magic happen.  5. Eyes, nose, mouth, all the features you'd expect on a face but without the pores, pimples, trenches, bags and blotches I like to think of as character. Or disease. 
No my friends, she tried to disabuse me of the notion but it's all there in black and black.  The CindyLou reference comes from her wistful expression. See, I said, Work with me. Give me wistful. Let's see wistful. And the Trader Joe's employees, who were not off-duty, gave me a little bit of hateful and I went to buy some hair and makeup.

Sunday, October 21, 2012


Vests, perfect for fall. Arms all out there catching breezes even while the tummy and spleen and islets of langerhans are warmly swaddled.  This one is made by Filson and quite a nice manly one it is -- pockets for your Leatherman Junior, lip balm and other essentials, poppable lapels and weskit styling that have sent Ralph Lauren into a tizzy for the last 27 years.

Saturday, October 20, 2012


Craisins, busted!  Delicious and nutritious aside, let's roll our eyeballs downward and focus instead on badass.  I'm of course talking about the little bit hoodlum, smidge o off-duty model, elaborately buckled, smells-like-West-Village BOOTS.  She got these years ago, in Italy, so musta been her 4th grade abroad.  I just want to be perfectly clear, she is not wearing Soufpole acid-washed jeans -- something happened on the way to life-sized, pixels rearranged so you can see Snoop Dogg on her thighs and I can't get back to Kansas.  To minimize the distraction ...
Mmmmm, Italian leather.  I can practically feel my pulse rocket to hummingbird level after I stomp into a trattoria in these bad boys and knock back 16 thimbles of espresso, then skip through the golden age of Rome in 7 minutes, excessive foot sweat being vented through the gaps (mind the gaps), hurl a coin in Trevi fountain, tossing out Scusis and Non grata my herpes is active right now left and right. And I run into Miuccia Prada in the line for the one women's bathroom in Vatican City (Pope decrees women need only faith,  priests and altar boys need a lot o privacy, badda bing) and she says, I like-a your boots-a, and I say,  Grazi ayagottapeea can I go ahead of you? and she says, No way, I been in this line since Resort 07.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

all the news that's fit to print

Me-ow, everything kitties, luv everything here -- thrift store pants on the prowl, floral blouse that was floating in the secretarial pool, metallic ankle strap Gidget flats, so soft flouncy jacket and merlot hair, the good stuff not the three buck chuck.  Lauren is a sophomore in Apparel Design at the U but already has her Masters in Fearless Juxtaposition.
The only thing that's eating at my vitals is why I can't enlarge the photo window on Blogger's template. Anyone who can tell me how to accomplish this will win my undying affection and a weekend in the Poconos.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

see-thru faces

The hole (ha) peekaboo trend continues with piercings aplenty. They presented a fun contrast to my daily struggle to keep body intact and parts from falling off and tinkling to the side of the road.

Monday, October 15, 2012

let's look at hair

 Do you look like this shopping at Trader Joe's? Awful liar, you do not.  She just came from INsalon 2012, a Salon and Spa Professional Organization event that showcases the latest innovations in hair, nails and other protein-rich body interfaces. Which explains a lot.

 Like this.  Don't try this at home friends. It's the three-day opus of experts -- first colored, then cut and, just today, styled with 1,000 bobby pins.  It's pretty, if you like stuff that doesn't look like roadkill on your head.

Yes, backcombing happened, and so did a new procedure similar to a crimper of yore, but newer, that made her hair bigger.  You can see evidence of it behind her ear. She's right -- it does look better than this
There have been advancements in 'dos.  But the don'ts remain largely unchanged...

Sunday, October 14, 2012

i tonally luv what she's wearing

Zounds her legs are irradiated!  Oh nevermind, she just went through the airport scanner on the way to visit our fair city from her home in San Francisco.  There's a little bit of no danger to the public though.  (I always opt for the pat down and then moan a lot whilst they're doing it -- get my money's worth for darn sure)  Anyhoo, Kayla is a recent graphic designer,  kayla-jones.com,  and therefore licensed to wear bold color combos.  She's hiding her kelly green fingernails that almost perfectly match her purse because I was obviously about one Pantone away from a messy meltdown with shouting and writhing in which centuries-old Chinese vases might accidentally be swept off their display pedestals and crash into dusty particles and I would be extradited to China as part of a persona nongrata exchange program.  And the U.S. would get Psy.  She just couldn't risk it, so she didn't take her hands out of her pockets til after I took the photo whence I was cuffed and taken down by the Institute brown shirts guards for using a flash. And given a pat down.  Ha.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

how to wear a pug

Pugs are the ultimate fall accessory, and I think that's obvious here.  I tried with every Photoshop function at my disposal to differentiate Oscar from the sidewalk so you could appreciate his pugnacious dog-ality -- dude has six kinds of intensity in his stare.  80% pissed off, 75% vain and 10% constipated, Oscar is 165% Deity On Grand (DOG). 
Let me reiterate, the only parameters of finding yourself on this blog are poor timing and the fact that I like what you're wearing.  Or the way you're wearing it. Or maybe the whole fall colored corduroy + jeans + boots + pug thing made me want to go home and roast a butternut squash. Or a pug.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

cupcake presenter

This is her second appearance on the blog here, which has everything to do with geography -- we live in the same 'hood -- and nothing to do with the Old Country Buffet of visual stimuli going on.  Just another piano teaching, painting, sewing, video cupcake presenter trying to catch the bus to Minneapolis. St. Paul is awash with em.  I was thinking, sheesh, if I see one more person wearing a dress she made herself accessorized with a torso-based leopard theme, earrings depicting the orbit of Venus as interpreted by My Little Pony, a faux rose in mostly real dreds and three intergalactic communicators made to look like rings, well, I don't know what I'll do.  Probably take her picture.
I know what you're thinking:  Do you really have to dress like this to hold up fancy cupcakes for a video camera?  Answer is: Yes.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

and ladies, he's single

I do what I can.  Jon likes long walks,  holding hands,  the sound of your voice in Target weighing the relative merits of deodorant at length, and Slim Jims. A dude who fully grasps irony in a wardrobe context, he demonstrates with a freshly combed mom-approved ensemble that goes all street to the south, courtesy of Adidas.  Dangerous? You bet.

Note to my many older male readers who spend their days fishing down below the lock and dam:  Do not respond to this post. I see through that Perky93 handle.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

hurray for caffeine!

Here we are at the Unidale farmer's market, surrounded by peppers that could scorch dental work -- very picturesque. She's a student at St. Paul College, picking up some leaves and explosives and whatnot on her way home from class. We're also within striking distance of her get-up go-to, the Sallie Army.  This explains why I've never found one good thing there, particularly in size extra willowy.  I took this picture because I thought it might be among our last sentient moments, as the brisk wind from the smaller but still potent polar ice cap rattled our collective bones, immobilizing my picture clicking finger and my will to ever leave the house again.  Some people find this weather bracing,  others see it as the prelude to a six-month Norwegian opera with rye krisp and no bathroom breaks.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

vintage Italian tats!

Boots boots boots.  Vintage Italian boots, I meant. All shiny and mini-wedged and buckled for safety against the g-forces when you hop on your Vespa and tear off at a blinding 15 mph. The top part is suede so you won't get nasty patent leather blisters on your knees. 
There's a heckuva lot going on here in terms of decorative elements, but something I'll call out is the Alexander McQueen shorts.  She's a designer,  moved here (and by here, I mean Minneapolis) from a hippie commune in Bend, OR and is, like, oooo this is diff'rent. In a good way. She's finding lots of artsy stuff to do including incising her upper epidermal layers with pretty pictures.  These are courtesy of Shane at Twilight Tattoo.

Friday, October 5, 2012

the stroll

Boys of summer, gentlemen of fall.  Trying to capture the majesty of the river and the crazy colors with a point n shoot camera, first one and then the other old dude bon vivant passed me, in the same attitude of easy perambulation.  This is how you stroll. This is how you get a little fresh air and sunshine.  You see what's new in your 'hood since yesterday. You don't hurry, you don't chatter on your cellphone. You walk slowly but steadily and notice things -- dogs, trees, signs, wood chips left by the city. And your clothes are comfortable -- trainers, jeans belted up nice and high, flannel shirt and your favorite cap. Old guys and caps, inseparable.  Just after this snapshot, they both stopped and bent backward sort of stiffly, watching a flock of geese flying south.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Hare & Hart

I don't know how this formatting happened but act natural and it will probably go away.  Eyeballs upward. And then downward. Now up and down real fast. Yup, the hairy clutch above is still KICKIN.
Everyone turn around and look at THIS (and i'm pointing at the blue leather jacket with the ray of zipper zinging out at the exact angle of happiness. Editors are always asking me, What's the angle? THIS is the angle)  I'm delighted to report, 3/4 of this jacket, which is made of supple-icious leather in Argentina in a way that would make even the dead cow happy, has MINNESOTA origins. No effin way, you say?  Word, awful people.  This jacket is the newest in a line of eco-friendly yet beautiful (these terms have previously been mutually exclusive) stuff by born-and-hot-dish raised Jennie Engelhardt and her Carlton College pal Emily Harrison, who is from Argentina but spent her experimental formative years here. So we give her an honorary.  Oh, before I blather any further, go go GO to the website hareandhart.com and feast your eyes on the most delicious stuff ever to be made from the hamburger industry!
See?  These girls, Jennie and Emily, Hart and Hare, have a goer here.  I can't wait for the sleek and updated chaps!  Fall2013, right girls.?  Sign me up.