Thursday, July 25, 2013

3 cute ways with tiny black dots and an apology to boyfriends

First the cute tiny black dots, because that's the way I roll.  See, the dotted swiss shirt, houndstooth pants which, unless you get unseemly close, appear to be black dots, and the dots that make up the snakeskin-inspired (I am using a camera-inspired device, I think with a brain-inspired blob of gray jello but that pimple?  genuine article) flats.  If you count the stud earrings, then four cute ways with tiny black dots.  Man. 
And speaking of,  on with that apology.  She, like so many of my victims, was one half of an XX- XY couple. And per usual, I dissed him, dissed him without even a pretense of good manners.  Now I am trying to think, if I was in his spot,  how long it would take for me to out with the mace if some crone rode up on her bike and started right in liking my associate's Wrangler jeans and then turned her bloodshot gaze my way and said, "Not you, sister.  The camera is not liking your eyebags and receding chin."  I think there would be trouble, is what.  But this dude, cute as the dickens with hair and a personally meaningful t-shirt and everything, was just as diplomatic as he could be, offering up that indeed, her style statement was more camera-ready than his.  And, like the 467 other boyfriends similarly shunted stage left without so much as a Tootsie Roll or $50 as a conciliatory gesture,  he stood quietly out of frame and did not make a fuss or shoot me or anything.  In fact he seemed quite relieved to be left out, and validated in his choice of girlfriends.  Ok, all apologies are off.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

hell yes

So much smokin testosterone is hard to fit in one frame, am I right?  In addition to some super sexy gams holding up those mid-calf crew socks, these heaving buckets of manhood have an exquisite eye for nuance and a gift for tightening every lug nut, dotting every effin aye.  Those are not booking numbers -- the hombres just handled a 5K, like lubing an El Camino.  Easy.
I was not entirely sure I had captured the elegance, the patiently man-icured and simply stupendous mullet on the hunk o processed meat, left, so...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


Pin-up red peep-toes, jingle jangle about the forearms, better-shape-up scarf knotted at the neck, top-down sunglasses and hula hoop earrings -- man, she is the Dairy Queen.  If I was a real tool,  I'd say she captured the summer zeitgeist.  Done and done.

Monday, July 15, 2013

the American dream

It's not to see the USA in your Chevrolet, or even to hang out in your underpants all day and get paid for it. The American dream is to say, "Honey, get the kids and the open likker and let's drive willy nilly.  Lake, highway,  pristine wilderness -- it's all the same to us!"  You got a credit card, your cargo shorts, water shoes. It's all good.

Saturday, July 13, 2013


Hopefully there is enough going on here, between the camera-ready hair, Van Halen (rock on) t-shirt, daisy dukes, and sixteen tall miles of open road ending in want-some Frye harness boots, that you won't wonder why her most northward region appears to be in a cloud and yet, at the southern terminus, we can see the very particles of the dust of Sturgis.  If this does present an insurmountable problem for you,  I am going to prescribe two robust cocktails and a colonoscopy. Then we can talk.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

i make up a bazaar story

She would look so so right in Ibiza, all Jade Jagger-esque, making a sortie from the yacht into town to pick up supplies for the evening which, what with the proximity to Marrakesh, would def include some very high quality weed leather that they tan with camel urine.  Did you know that?  You would, if you were downwind.  (I know you'll be tempted to try this at home but, trust me, the allure of fishing a piece of goat hide out of a great big bucket of pee with salad tongs does wear off) 
Instead she's, like, getting a career in law.  I know -- weird.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

a clear mind is a beautiful thing

I just want to say, she made my day.  In every way.  And that's the truth.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013


She's working (athlete support, I think, at USAT&F Nationals in DesMoines), her asymmetrically hemmed dress and little-bit-o-reptile-little-bit-o-color flats are working, the athletes were working, the weather was working (a little too hard). Even I was working, though to the untrained eye it might have looked like one of those shock campaigns for more judicious use of sunscreen.