Aria at the playground

Meet Aria -- she loves basketball. No? OK fine, it just looks like it because of the very clearly focused hoop behind her, which is in fact, in clearer focus than she is. Shoot. (Get it? I slay myself).

Actually, Aria loves fashion and design and was only hanging out (in American Apparel high-waisted shorts) at this school playground because her 18-month-old niece was very pro-slide, also pro-swing.  Aria lives in NYC, the Big Apple, studying product design and, like all modern creative people who are so so cool, has a blog. http://fash-and.com/, as in Fash&, pronounced fash am per sand. Geesh, you people. I liked it so much, I put it over there to the right... and up there in bold. I took the closeup because I dug her glasses but then, possibly because the heat index was 1000 degrees and I smelled like a rat that has gotten stuck in the dryer duct and has been in there about 13 days, I forgot to ask her if they were Moscot frames. Are they Moscot frames? Because I like Moscot frames. I am not getting paid by Moscot frames. Very much. Aria is demonstrating the correct way to wear high waisted shorts, which is with a perfect body. Creepy? 100%, but true.

Midwest Mohawk Symposium

 

Uhoh photographic blooper.  Or is it (insert one arched eyebrow)?  The streetlight is like a lamp finial. Must speak to city of St. Paul about punker streetlights, possibly shaped like body parts.

At the corner of 4th and Punk downtown St. Paul, I ran across these sick sistaz waiting for the Midwest Mohawk Hootenany to get underway. Their money was on the 'hawk above, and so is mine. It was achieved with hair dye and significant amounts of spray, but as we all know, god is in the details. Like the leopard print on the sides of her head, printed with the end of a celery stick dipped in dye. Duh. 'Member my Memorial 'do post? No? Scroll back for reference, but that woman had also very specifically dyed her bangs red. So two people -- it's probably a trend.  I took the closeup above so hopefully you can see that she carried through the yellow and orange tiger colors on her eyes. The extra-cancer Camels and the razor blade necklace are sweet additions. Subtly is not in the punk lexicon.

The badass on the right had some tight tats and is rocking the Wayfarers, red lips and bi-color 'do. The twins in the middle -- mercy.

Fendi my way

 

Isn't this fun? You've been to the U and Savers and home again and you didn't get rained on like i did, fuckers. Nevermind, because i had the orgiastic (may have made that word up) joy of purchasing (for $7.99 minus 30%) and then wearing these embroidered FENDI slingbacks. i'm all about irony in fashion -- see? jorts, spider veins and awesome shoes worn together = a hideous waste of shoes or fashion irony, depending on how much Pernod you've had to drink. took me a minute but i did the math -- these bad boys set me back $5.60. i wish i had somewhere to go. there is every chance i'll be walking the dog in this getup tomorrow and the neighbors will be like, god i hope she's drunk because i'd hate to think she dressed like this sober.

Happy Birthday Apple Valley H.S. teacher!

 

From the U, i pedaled on over to the Lake Street Savers and helped this Apple Valley teacher celebrate her birthday by totally getting in her business -- Happy Birthday! i don't know how you survive even one hour in Apple Valley because you are wearing fishnet anklets, sassy maryjanes, a naughty leopard slip and a tat on your chestal region, but whatever, bless your wild soul for introducing those Limited Kids to limitless style! Damn i knew this wouldn't show up, but if you click on the photo and get all creepy and close, you can see the corn rows that her students did for her "dance-like" performance at Bryant Lake Bowl. like that's bad. i've done some dance-like performances at weddings and shit and people paid me a dollar to sit down. while you're looking at her pores and whatnot, note the feather talisman in her hair that i think she said she got at a church sale. isn't that the way?

U of M

 

There's no one over at the U in the summer except me and this woman which was pretty ironic because i accosted her for her rrrrrrrreal leopard vest that she got at Savers. It's ironic because i was headed to Savers from here (you can trace my whole hideous adventure). Apparently celebrating NOT being vegan, i dug her suede skirt, sparkly belt, red t-shirt and aforementioned sweet vest. right here, i'm trying to imagine myself being this chic and cheeky as an undergrad and, huh, even factoring in some small strokes, i can't imagine it. right on woman -- you probably are not doomed to riding around on your bike and getting your jollies at Savers.

Americans wear denim

 

So i was sitting at Victoria and Grand in St. Paul, like a crying leopard in wait, and i saw this good son and his venerable parents seeing the sights in St. Paul (they were speaking eye-talian). the parents had carefully dressed like Americans, to blend in, swathed head to toe in denim and various shades of navy blue. when in America... at first, i was too damn slow to see it, and after i did, i was afeared of smerching the entire nation by pressing my perverse blog upon them (i know, shame is a very foreign emotion for me and i didn't recognize it). so i didn't think to lift the camera until they were across the street and going into Pottery Barn. i can only imagine what madness they thought of that place. anyhoo, i barely managed to capture the senior italian interpretation of america -- baseball cap, denim blazer, denim jeans and navy blue boat shoes. viva USA.

bus stop

 

As you can see, this photo was taken through a pane of class. I love her fierce hair.

dogwalking in St. Paul

Is this the way you walk the dog? Yah me too you awful liars.  I was initially drawn in by the woman on the right's fab halter dress and white sandals -- accessorizing with the white dog was really above and beyond. The woman on the left is wearing absolutely nothing golden retriever colored but she makes up for it with a swell silver necklace that looks like a map of the solar system. She got it in Naples, FL. You're going to have to click on the photo to get up close and appreciate it.

University of Minnesota

 

This girl is owning 1950s cheesecake with a little bit of Courtney Love around the edges.  US of A, all the way. Aren't you glad burkas are not our national uniform?  She got the crop top at some thrift store in Montana.

so happy birthday shoes

 

It's against my code of ethics to post about me, and by extension, my romps through the underbelly of retail, but i am so damn interesting of late... so i took myself to Savers yesterday (the one in Bloomington) because it was my birthday and birthday girls get 20% off on their special day. And special it was, so close on the heels (i crack myself up) of the Dries Van Noten finds, i'm still gloating about it to complete strangers. Label ho that i am, the above Nina sandals got all bought only because of their silver 1930s wonderfulness. And...

 it would make perfect sense if this was considered a fair pair at Savers, given that they're both black with square toes and stretchy sock-like tops that make getting dressed that much easier, but no, i'm conserving pixels by modeling them simultaneously. i've got another pair just like this (i'm on fire, somebody stop me). The shorter ones say Elisa Pabst inside which i can only hope has some connection to the brew.  The whoop ass tall ones are neoprene -- slutty to surfy versatile!

Saving the best for last, mofos. Adjust your eyeballs because it really does say Emilio Pucci (Firenze, which is italian for spendy), and they really are tomato red stilts and the tiny buckle that you can't see really is a squared off P, for phucking phantastic! The delightfully comatose folks at Savers had them at $4.99 but it was a good deal because i got 20% off of that. Can you stinkin believe it?

fleurs!

This post is about flowers! Fleurs is French for I fucked up. Or Happy Birthday. They're a universal language. On top are the Siberian iris in my garden that i've had for about 27 years -- this is the first time they've bloomed. Thought i better capture it on film. And the bottom are some the little man got me for my birthday -- thanks black stallion Dennis! Love ya!

Dries!

That title looks like I'm very very excited about something that was wet and now isn't! But that would be ridiculous. No no no, what I'm very excited about are these Dries (it rhymes, see?). Van Notens. Just scored them at the Goodwill on University, so if you recognize these as something you just donated -- thanks! Why the hell did you do that? The ankle strap, the modern/architectural/industrial kitten heel, the shiny shiny black patent, and they're only the teeniest bit uncomfortable. Did you twist you ankle because of the very tiny heel base and then determine to get rid of these death traps? Because i can see that happening real easy.  Oh i can see but no one else can. Ha. Ha. OK, here they are, dried and beautiful...

 

I am the happiest dumpster diver in the world. I know whatever sucker the kind person who donated these is probably a bit disappointed because they'd hoped these bad boys would be helping the dudes at the top of the exit ramp at 94 and Riverside get a job, maybe at one of our fine ad agencies in town. And frankly, the shoes would have done the trick. If Olson + Co for example witnessed a Native American man sashaying through the door in these, they would be so hired. Guar-n-teed.  But no. They've gone to someone who goes nowhere and will undoubtedly be fouled by inappropriateness, e.g. worn with Miley Cyrus liquid leggings. Ummm, ya know, i really like those triple-strap Mui Muis from a couple seasons ago, so...

Grand Old Couple O' Minutes

 As you know if you get out of the house like I do, Grand Old Days is the largest one-day street fair in the country and thus the single likeliest spot to see full-body tats, and the results of high fructose corn syrup, Little Debbies and a plastic surgeon who operates a discount breast enhancement clinic out of a strip mall in Columbia Heights. Yah, done and done. But there's enough negativity in this world so these fine people prove that if you squint and try real heard, you can find beauty and authentic style even in a fucking train wreck very nice place.

The woman above, for example, does not look like a ho. She looks very pretty and classy and fresh. As a daisy. [I am a fucking wordsmith].  I love the daisy-doin'-it belt but sometimes she switches it up with a pink belt. She scored the dress at Local Motion in Minneapolis.

 I try to represent dudes on this blog but was about to trudge home from the festivities man-free when I saw Paul waiting in line for the porta potties. Is it wrong to ambush someone with a full bladder?  I think you can see, the answer is no. When the victim person is rocking tight red pants from Amsterdam with Sergeant Pepper-ish epaulets down the side and crocodilian boots from New York, they oughta be prepared to sacrifice a kidney at the very least in the name of fashion. He was down with it. He likes to wear the souvenirs of his world travels -- hat from Greece, handmade cross pendant from Mykonos (now look below), bike chain bracelet from Loring Park (yes that one, across the river) and the cuff, I forgot. Let's just say Bali. I'm a worthless journalist. Also why didn't I ask about the multi-tongued hot licks t-shirt? Is it because I inadvertantly took a photo of his fly/junk? What would you do?

 A completely natural look demonstrated by one of the salons on Grand. Those are feather eyelashes. Just because I can't remember the name of the salon, don't assume that all Grand Old Days fair-goers could give a flying buttwhistle about the businesses and realize that in fact Grand Old Day is a bust for businesses, a really bad idea and burst everyone's bubble and cancel Grand Old Days. Don't do that.

 Start seeing flowers, my friends. That's today's theme, I realize. With this happy frock that she got up the street at My Sister's Closet, the sun hat and straw bag, she is saying, "Where is the alcohol in this dog fight?"

She is like, Oh my god, you are so old and that dress is so short, I'm embarrassed for you. Don't worry gangstas, I was wearing underpants. And love love loving her dress. Do you see the off-center buttons?  And the print is beyond heavy shit. She got it at a thrift store which, perversely, makes me hate her a little bit because why didn't I find it first? Maybe we could arrange a trade -- I've got some red stretch velvet underpants...

colorblocks at Trader Joes

So, I'm on my daily Trader Joes run, getting spelt bread and bratwurst among other essentials, and my self-confidence meter was fairly stoked as I had recently bathed AND taken care of a number of personal maintenance issues (hello, eyebrows). I'm not saying I felt totally hideous after seeing this obvious plant by Trader Joes fellow shopper, but seriously, who looks this good at the end of a positively thick day?  Is she wearing that colorblock dress or what? Also rocking cool greek neoclassic sandals AND a pedi. This is when you really know, in your heart of hearts, that nearly daily hygiene is not enough. Guess what pretty contrast is coming to me right now? Right on mofos, it's these last two victims, head to head. Scroll down quick. See? There is a god.

Biking broken, St. Paul

So, I was in no mood, a little fragile, my friends, because fucking Everyday People on Selby had seen nothing amongst the tiny red velvet stretch underpants, weirdo violet dress that was featured in this here blog a month or so ago and pieced suede skirt that they could sell in their bedbug hotel-of-a-shop. This ruins the finely tuned dynamics of my wardrobe. Fine. 

But things brightened up considerably when i spotted this woman biking in striped top and skirt. You know i can't resist stripes, and these are vertical! Better! So i did a bike-on-bike ambush and was so glad of it because it just kept getting better. Broken arm ("drunk, rolling down a hill"), orange feathers in her hair, grunge boots, fanny pack with pipe loops and a DIY tiger applique on her shoulder. Also National Geographics in her milk crate. Kinda angry, though not at me, and provocatively honest -- can you say Portlandia? For someone who could give a shit about fashion, she's working it.

Memorial 'Dos

 So I spent my Memorial Day at Savers on Lake Street, where these coiffed women were also enjoying 50% off all clothes, which we can all agree, is the only time to shop at Savers now that their prices are uppity. I just love the way this woman contrasted not only the color but the texture. Did it all herself, and she's not a stylist or anything. She was real humble and was like, it was nothing, but trust me, the idea is Something and the execution is Something Else Again. I also like all the color. In sharp contrast to...

 all-in-black Ayanna. Hers really is a memorial 'do as she's had the dreds since her father died 11 years ago. I liked the black lace scarf which, she told me, helps protect the roots from the weight of the dreds. I think she is super beautiful. She also found a fantastic Betsey Johnson lace dress and let me have it without even carrying it around for a while. Beautiful and nice. And the artist/photographer behind Waning Moon Digital Images. We did a card exchange. She was classing up Savers like nobody's business.