Best antler buds and Doc Martens and poppin socks of 2014!

Oh man, I'm out on a limb here, but naysayers -- and there will be -- sit down.  When I see little bleached buds beginning to form on the upper corners of the noggin and footwear gloriously free of salt stains and laces (every time I look at the word laces, I see feces which is absolutely not indicative of a problem because these kicks are feces-free too), all friendly and rounded and six kinds of Marlon Perkins about the toes with snug side panels of swingin London elastic, well,  I just go ahead and lay my cards on the table.  A two, a three and a four.  That's something, right?  
See how the blue ankle adornment keeps it from looking like she has legs that end in soup spoons?  Brilliant!
I'm stunned, stunned I tell you,  by the difference the smooth unbroken landscape of leather makes!  I get an itchy rash when I see the the usual Doc design, inspired by a stitched wound.  Brings to mind the 90s when I was doing acrylic on an industrial scale and Mr. Yuk hair.  Boy, glad that's in the past, right?  Right?  She said she got these boots yesterday these boots made it all the way through the winter, as if winter was also in the past. Ha. Ha. 
Anyhoo,  I like them so much I was thinking... She's small.  I could def take her,  push her over, wrestle the boots from the socks, leave the socks as a gesture of goodwill and make off like ... like Newman with a mullet.  But her boy friend was stage right and I would have had to embarrass him too with my mad boot-removal skills. And that's wrong.