Sunday, January 5, 2014

let's talk about weird DIY knitwear

 I go to Savers with the intent to buy weird DIY knitwear. There, I said it.  So if you are making strange things like the mohair cotton candy-colored t-shirt above, think, my god think about the end-of-life consequences.  Stuff doesn't just disappear my friends.  Plastic and styrofoam and knitting projects with super-small neck and arm holes and incongruous itchy wool but short sleeves, what you just toss it -- out of sight, out of mind?  Uh no. Like some kind of crazyass bird walking around with a plastic six-pack holder on its head, I walk through Savers and put my head in stuff like this.  Can't get the damn thing off.  Also, the fadeout pink-baby blue-lavender yarn -- these colors are unknown in the world outside Michael's.  It goes with nothing.  Even infants don't do this color scheme any more. What exactly were you thinking, oh knitter,  when you made this?  What was the real-world application?  Uh huh, just as I thought -- abso-knuttin.  Thoughtless clacking of the needles.
 And this tube of many watery colors.  I started with this thing on my head and kept shimmying downward -- as a neck warmer, thorax support, kidney truss, parts incubator,  ass coddler (which, sadly, is now at a lower plane than parts), kneecapper and ankle sweaters.  Why would someone loose a thing like this on the yarn-vulnerable public?  You see it's not gone now, is it -- some thoughtless person created this beast, donated it to Savers and it lives on.
Full disclosure -- this is not a DIY one-off but was made by a company, 213 by Michelle Kim.  Inspiration was Charly Brown, flappers, King Kong and Tina Turner.  It has the requisite pink hair that gives TSA people a little shot of Hello.  I can't endorse this thing strongly enough  -- wore it on an all-day slick rock hike in Mormon country.  Warm,  cool, wicks sweat, blows in the wind and when you take a big swig of alcohol, it's super fun to say, "Nick nick nick, that put hair on my chest."  No one is going to ask you to be his third wife in this bad boy, for darn sure.

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