Monday, June 16, 2014

mother-of-the-bride and other diseases

I searched "mother of the bride dress" and this came up, which -- ridiculous --  what do you do with the axe at the reception? 

So I narrowed the search to "52 yards of light-grabbing polyester faille in a color called Migraine that will stand, walk and talk on its own after I'm incapacitated by a couple cocktails,  cover yet manage to accentuate every piece of cheesecake I've ever eaten, with some sparkle because this is an effin formal occasion, and for god's sake put a frame around my ample bosom assets"
Nailed it.

Boy,  I'm picky though.  I want something that really says Special Occasion,  like the first night you spent in jail.  So back to the Dollar Store drawing board.  I'mma make an inspiration board of stuff I like. You can chime in too, but don't be offended if I blow off your "suggestions."  If it doesn't involve chicken cutlets*,  forget it.
*This term was introduced to me by daughter #1.  It's the industry name for raw chicken-colored sticky nipple covers for use under sheer clothing that negate the purpose of sheer clothing.  Despite the silliness, or because of it, I'm in love with chicken cutlets.
On with the horror the horror inspiration...
Alright, this has been helpful but let's dig deeper, really let loose... It's a process, people, sheesh.

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