just say no to ugly scans

 

My beef with full body scanners is they're not very flattering. for example, does the alien above really have no nose and close-set eyes? Standing in line at LAX for what would undoubtedly be another scarring experience with a camera, the woman in front of me announced she was opting out of the scan and going for the pat down. partly because i like to be a pain in the ass whenever possible and partly because i was a little low on physical nurturing, i decided i too would opt for a pat down. the woman who had the honor was so respectful and businesslike and explained exactly how she was going to be up in my business. it was not bad, indeed pleasurable. i asked her to go over some parts again but she declined, and i looked back to see her shaking her hands and doing the icky dance. i went on my way, whistling.